Party Etiquette 101: The Don'ts

This post is for those who lack knowledge of how to properly attend and have fun at parties (venue and house) and kickbacks.

1. Please say excuse me when you are walking around, beside, behind, or under someone. We are already in a tight space, I’m already a little angry when you push me out the way… an “Excuse me” will make it just a little better.

2.  When you are trying to put the mack down on ole girl please move to the nearest corner. Don’t stand in the middle of the party trying to ask baby girl her name, age, major, occupation, phone number and bra size. You are taking up unnecessary space, move that elsewhere.

3. If you catch your man or girl throwing it back on someone else and you decide that the party is the right time and place to get in your feelings and begin an argument, please move that outside.. You are ruining everyone else’s vibe.

4. Please stop grabbing women’s behinds!!!! We are not intrigued by it and sexual harassment is not okay.

5. Carry a pack of gum, put it in your wallet.. back pocket or something because no one wants a funky breath in their face talking about some… “You sholl look good tonight ma.”

6. Yes, some parties allow you to smoke inside but please take it outside. We don’t want people having asthma attacks and I definitely don’t want lung cancer from your secondhand smoke.

7. If you are in someone’s house, please do not go in their stuff… leave folks’ cabinets and refrigerators alone. That’s not cool.

8. There are always trash cans around, stop throwing your cups on the ground. The no littering policy applies inside too. Be respectful of people’s homes. They were nice enough to let people who don’t even know their first names in their home, be considerate of their living area.

9. If you are going to a party just to stand there and look stank, please go home. You are a waste of space and no one is looking at you.

10. How you get to a party is how you leave. If you came to the party with ten people in a 1997 Honda, fit those ten people back in that car and go home. Stop leaving people you came with and stop coming with people who are not your friends.

If you are offended by this post, just know if the shoe fits……

 

Remember, we are in college and we are here to have fun. Be safe and happy partying. 

Do Better T.I.

This week, the King of the South and my childhood hero, made a statement on a radio show that women cannot be the president of the United States. Below is the direct quote from him..

"Not to be sexist but, I can’t vote for the leader of the free world to be a woman. Just because, every other position that exists, I think a woman could do well. But the president? It’s kinda like, I just know that women make rash decisions emotionally -- they make very permanent, cemented decisions -- and then later, it’s kind of like it didn’t happen, or they didn’t mean for it to happen. And I sure would hate to just set off a nuke. [Other leaders] will not be able to negotiate the right kinds of foreign policy; the world ain’t ready yet. I think you might be able to the Lochness Monster elected before you could [get a woman]."

T.I... fam... why would you say something like this? You were raised by a single mother, you have a wife who is an entrepreneur, you have daughters! I don't understand why he felt entitiled to make this statement when he is a convicted felon who has no voice in the voting process anyway. It's funny how people have to start off with the.. "Not to be sexist but..", when they are about to make the most sexist comment ever. I am really disappointed by T.I., I thought we were better than this. Your eloquent vocabulary can't hide your ignorance.

Men, I cannot stress how important it is to be a support system to women. If you think that women are beneath you, you will start to raise daughters who think that they can't achieve their greatest dreams. We need to do better as a community.

*update, T.I. apologized for his statement, as all celebrities do when they get backlash from the public*

"My comments about women running for president were unequivocally insensitive and wrong. I sincerely apologize to everyone I offended." - T.I.


"What they say, I'm sexist?"

Steve Harvey Made a Thug Cry

This is the most beautiful video I have ever seen in my life. Tears of joy and sadness rolled down my face as I watched this video because I never had the chance to experience a man to love me the way Steve love his kids. So many years of waiting for my father to hug me and say he's sorry. So many years of wanting my stepfather to acknowledge my existence and take me in as his own. So many years of wanting my grandfather to slide me $20 with a hug just to say, "I'm proud of you". So many years of trying to hide the pain of figuring out how to love myself because I felt unwanted, unloved, and not cared for. So many years of not trusting those who have truly cared about me because of the mistake of one man. I hate for people to see me vulnerable because I want to be strong, I want to be superwoman, I want to be unfazed by my frustrations of feeling broken inside. I cannot stress how important it is to appreciate those who have done right by you so you can forgive those who have done wrong by you. Be prepared to cry when watching this video because this man truly love his kids. Hopefully one day I will be able to give my future kids everything I didn't have.... 

My Response to Raven Hyphen Symone *inserts diacritical mark over e* Comments on The View

Shortened my name in the 8th grade for those who thought that 4 syllabus and 10 letters were too hard to pronounce. Shortened my name, because I didn't want people to stereotype me and judge me as "ghetto". Because of this I feel as if I have betrayed myself and my mother. I feel as if I have conformed. Words cannot express how disgusted I am by Raven-Symone's (an interesting ethnic name) comments... Because of her, children who have no control over what their parents have named them, believe that they have no chance in this world. I want to tell her she's wrong. It's 2015 and it's time to stop judging books by the titles and start reading the stories. My first name is Shantesica and I've had well over 5 jobs, a practicum experience and internship offers in the public health field. I will forever proudly print my 10 lettered name in 14 font on the top of my Resume'. I want little girls with beautiful ethnic names to stand proud, look people like Raven-Symone' in the eyes and proudly say your names... tell them to read it, say it, spell it, sound it out until they get it right. Self-hating black folk aka Raven... it's time to shut up.





link to video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8y3JmJhQa7k

*update*
Raven hyphen symone *inserts diacritical mark* has apologized for her statement

"My comments about discrimination have spun out of control.

I'd like to begin by saying that I was not attacking a specific race, but repeating a name that was said in a viral video which has received over 2 million likes.

I have been denied many jobs because of my skin color, body size, and age. Each time I was rejected, my self esteem was negatively effected, so i empathize with those who feel victimized by what I said. We would hope that when it comes to hiring, our names, physical appearance, sexual orientation, and age would never outweigh our qualifications, but often times, they do, thats the truth and it sucks. But I should not be part of the problem, I should be part of the solution.

As an equal opportunity employer, I have never discriminated against a name....even though I said I would, it's not true. My comment was in poor taste. My lack of empathy towards name discrimination was uncalled for. I would also like to say that on Friday my account was hacked, those are not my words."

- Raven Symone'

How to be a White Feminist

I must speak on this issue because it is important. Sit down, listen and learn. Here we have an example of a white woman, a white feminist doing what white feminist do best.... 1. Discrediting a black woman because her narrative didn't include an "All Actresses matter" position. 2. Playing the victim when black people try to educate you on the issue, or feeling left out because you aren't included (the need to want to be oppressed) 3. Using the "I don't see color" excuse for backing up a claim that you're not racist. 4. Using white privilege as a platform to voice your hateful opinion. Ms. Nancy Lee Grahan is entitled to her own opinion but she was wrong in so many ways. As Viola stated last night the only thing separating women of color from anyone else is opportunity. She was speaking for all the black women who were told they weren't good enough for a position because of their color. She was speaking for all the black women like Regina King, who have been in the industry for 20+ years and havent received the recognition that they deserve. She was speaking for all black women, she was a voice for us. I am just waiting on the day when people (black men too) will let black women have our moment. We don't need black feminism right? We like to play victim right? We don't experience oppression through classism, racism and sexism right? Wrong, because here is a prime example of why us, as black women can't win without someone tearing us down.

Does My Black Hair Offend You?

To whom it may concern,

In 2006 India Arie beautifully sang “I am not my hair, I am not this skin, I am not your expectations. I am not my hair, I am not this skin, I am the soul that lives within”. Hair in the African American woman community is an accessory that complements our beauty. It represents our strength, courage and creativity. From Braids, dread locks, relaxed, texturized, natural hair to weave we use our hairstyles as a form of expression. We defend our hairstyles because it is our culture. We defend our hairstyles because nappy, kinks and bb’s are deemed negative terms. We defend our hairstyles because we are constantly told that locks will hinder us from getting jobs. We defend our hairstyles because “extensions” are classy but weave is equivalent to identity issues. We defend our hairstyles because we are shamed from childhood to adulthood. We defend our hairstyles because we are proud of our black hair. We are tired of being criticized and judged because of the strands that grow from our scalp. We want the world to know that our hair is a representation of our creativity.

My fellow sisters, we must uplift each other because the world is against us. Stop creating a divide between us because of our different styles, colors, and choices. Stop the natural vs. relaxed divide.. Educate one another. We are one.

My fellow brothers, do not run to a specific hair type because of what the media shows you as beautiful. We are all different, from kinky curly to loose curls. Stay out of black women’s hair. This doesn’t mean you can’t massage your girl’s scalp with castor oil or help her with her twist out… this means to keep your hair opinions to yourself.  Why waste your energy on worrying about black women hair relations when there are so many other things in the world that could benefit from your POSITIVE energy? You attract what you put out in the world. As black women, we have the freedom to do whatever we please with our hair. Let us be happy.

White women… no you may not touch our hair. Yes, wishing to have black babies for black hair is offensive. It is okay to appreciate our culture, but ask questions, continue to learn and be open minded. Stop claiming old trends and give black sisters who rocked cornrows and baby hairs in the 90s credit. It is okay to admire our hairstyles, just know your history.

My short hair, dreads, kinky curly hair, sister locks, bantu knots, twist outs, chemically relaxed hair, waves, bonnets, Malaysian weave, mid-back length hair, and head wraps should not offend you.

Support us, don’t abandon us.

Signed,

Ms. Tired, and Fed Up