Stress and the Black College-Aged Woman

As most of you know I wrote a close to 50 page paper on stress management for African American college-aged women attending a Predominantly White Institution. In this paper I took the stressors of what I thought every black woman college student have and developed an intervention program to teach black women to combat stress by using coping techniques. I used insomnia, lack of self-care, emotional eating and interpersonal relationships as factors to guide my program and created corresponding components to help us deal with these issues.
What I found through research is that not only racism and sexism were stressors for black female college students but also this superwoman schema that majority of us hold as a social identity is hindering us from coping with stress properly. As black women we take care of others before we take care of ourselves and our drive to work hard is taking a major toll on our health. We also are held to high standard regarding education since we are the group with the highest college graduation rates. Through this we are becoming the most stressed out group in the United States. We are in ALL categories of the most stressed out groups (minorities, women, and college-aged students).
The irony of this is that while writing this paper I was stressing out. How can I help my sistas when I can't help myself? Good thing that I learned good coping techniques and can share them with you all.

1. Instead of indulging yourself in candy or chips because you feel down, eat fruit or make a smoothie. Fruit will give you the right amount of sugar and nutrients. Also substitute chips with a small bag popcorn!
2. Time management is the key to everything. Buy a planner and write down your long and short term goals. This is the first step to getting organized.
3. Get a journal! Use it to write down all of your thoughts and feelings.. The best way to vent.
4. Try to get 6-8 hours of sleep a night, if you plan everything accordingly getting an adequate amount of sleep will be possible.
5. Stay away from harmful relationships and friendships. It ain't nothing to cut them off! Snip snip!! Relationships play a huge factor in stress and arguing with ole boy/girl will just add more stress to your life.
6. Find a new hobby, something that will get your mind off everything that's stressful. I want to start sewing
7. Exercise!! Aerobic exercise will help you with your breathing. Try Zumba, yoga and deep breathing.
8. If you are spiritual... Pray. I use the serenity prayer through hard times and read the bible for comfort.
Proverbs 3:5
Philippians 4:6

Why I am Tired of the "We don't care about black men dating white women, just don't slander us while you are doing it" Narrative

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS MY OPINION ON THE TOPIC AND AS MUCH AS I WANT TO SPEAK FOR ALL BLACK WOMEN I CANT...

I can say that interracial dating has been a topic of discussion for years and the core argument of this discussion is that black women are angry at the fact that white women are taking all of our men. NO, that is not the case. Guess what? We actually do not care. What we do care about is our brothers putting us down because of their preferences of foreign and white women. Why continue to feed into stereotypes and bash us in the process of dating those of other races? These points are becoming repetitive and I believe that our brothers for fact know that we have no problem with them dating outside of our race... no problem. After we keep singing these same old songs, some men continue to push this angry black woman stereotype through a number of things... "Retweet to make a black girl mad", while posting a picture of a white girl with a big butt, "Leave Laquisha and get you a Sara Beth" memes, or even putting up pictures of mixed babies stating that they are superior and more beautiful than our own babies of color. Why continue to push this angry black woman narrative when in actuality you know the truth. When you know that all we care about is the spew of hatred coming from your mouths alluding to the fact that you don't want us because of our weaves, bonnets, "aggressiveness" and bad attitudes. YOU are demeaning black women and praising white women through misogyny. When will y'all understand that all we ever ask for as black women is support and not hate? I don't care who you date, as long as it is coming from a genuine place and you continue to give people in this world love.

And to those who continue to feed into the negativity of bashing black women... go find some lotion and watch your favorite movie "Driving Miss. Daisy"


It's really a tired convo....

Let’s Talk About SEX: This is for College Students

When we enter college as freshmen we gain freedom. Freedom from our parents, social freedom, intellectual freedom and sexual freedom. Majority of us come into college with the only knowledge of sex taught to us by our ninth grade physical education teachers. Unless you had the most sexually educated parents in the world, this topic may be uncomfortable or even unfamiliar to you. I am going to write about four important things that I think every college student should know regarding sex.

1. CONSENT

This is probably the most controversial topic in the history of sex. Every, I mean EVERY sexual encounter should involve consent... What is consent? My definition of consent is to VERBALLY permit someone to continue a sexual act with you. This involves kissing, first base, second base, third base, homerun.... all of the above. Anything that is not consent is assault, and we must understand that if someone does not want to have sex with you, they are not obligated to do so. Listen to them.

Consent is Sexy: You can give consent in a sexy way. Floetry put it in the most sexyist way possible... go listen to the song.

Consent is SOBER: The only way someone can give consent is when they are sober and alert. This is the biggest issue when it comes to rape on campus. 1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted in college. We must understand the importance of knowing the signs, if you see someone going home with a guy or girl knowing that they are not in a great position to give consent, please intervene. What about drunk sex? Well this is a very iffy issue, especially when it comes to the law, I personally say stay away from it. 

Consent is Verbal: BODY LANGUAGE DOES NOT COUNT. BODY LANGUAGE DOES NOT COUNT. BODY LANGUAGE DOES NOT COUNT. No means no and yes means yes. It’s simple.

For more in depth info: https://www.uhs.uga.edu/consent/

2. CONDOM USAGE

This past weekend the CDC released a statement stating that Sexually Transmitted Infections have an increase of incidence rates in the United States. This means that new cases of Syphilis, Chlamydia, and Gonorrhea are on the rise in the United States. I CANNOT express how important it is to wrap up. Use a condom. We have the resources and access to condoms please take advantage of them. We often overlook these diseases, because they are curable by one-dose antibiotics. But what happens if we don’t cure them? They can have a huge impact on our lives and cause infertility, ectopic pregnancies, brain cancer, pelvic inflammatory disease, an increased chance of contracting HIV, and so many more complications. These diseases can be prevented by using condoms and getting tested. There are many options to choose from... flavored condoms, vibrating condoms, dental dams, female condoms... use them.

Here is the website for STI testing centers near you:

https://gettested.cdc.gov/

3. BIRTH CONTROL

Birth control is normal, it is okay to use it as contraceptive and it’s pretty accessible due to the Affordable Care Act. Like condoms, there are so many birth control methods to choose from. Birth control is available at the health center and some insurance companies pay for you to get birth control that requires a procedure in the doctor’s office. Here is a list of the most used birth control methods and their effectiveness:

4.  THE DOUBLE STANDARD

We must get rid of the double standard. It takes two to have sex and a woman’s decision to be sexually liberated does not differ from a man’s decision to be sexually liberated. It’s not fair to judge someone based off their sexual decisions when you make/have made the same choices. Don’t be a hypocrite. Be open-minded....

Other Sexual/Body Myths debunked

1. Plan B is not an abortion pill, it stops ovulation just like any form of birth control

2. Yes, Soap and anything other than water is bad for your vagina. It changes the PH balance in your vagina and makes you more prone to infections. Wash your vagina with water only.

3. Condoms ruin the sexual experience.... Well, it would be best to have safe sex than no sex. Like I said before there are all types of condoms that can better your sexual experience.

4. Every vagina is different, you cannot tell how many sexual partners someone has had by the way their vagina looks. You. Can’t. And there is no such thing as “having no walls”.

5. Her cherry did not pop, she is really not a virgin.... false. That cherry is the hymen and this hymen can be stretched/broken through yoga, exercising and bicycling. 

6. Birth control does not cause infertility later on in life. The implant and deposhot takes a couple of months for your menstrual cycle to return but other than that it does not hurt your chances of getting pregnant. STI's do though. 

5 Meals for Under $20 or Less: The Ultimate Survival Guide for Broke College Students

I am tired of seeing y'all eat ramen noodles every day when you can make knock off Olive Garden pasta for less. Here is a cheat sheet for five easy meals that can be made while on a budget.

1. Shrimp Alfredo Pasta
Bring Red Lobster to the kitchen!
Ingredients:
Shrimp: Can be found at Publix for $7.99 a pound (if you can't cook, ask them to steam and add seasoning for you) or Walmart frozen bag of raw shrimp for $5.98
Alfredo Sauce: 2 cans for $2 each
Boxed Pasta (shell, bow tie, or rotini): Barilla brand: $2, off brand is cheaper around $1.75

Boil pasta in water for around 10 minutes on high, add olive oil and salt so pasta don't stick together.
If cooking shrimp, can steam using a steamer, add seasoning at discretion (I like using cajun sauce on shrimp). Combine shrimp and pasta and add alfredo sauce. I'm assuming that y'all have seasoning so add that (I like using basil and parsley). Bow!Red Lobster at the crib... If you have a little extra money left over you can make homemade red lobster biscuits for $3 or Pillsburry biscuits for $1.79

Total: $19 (with biscuits)

2. Chicken Fajitas
Taco Bell in the kitchen!
Ingredients:
Chicken tenderloins: frozen pack for $3-$4 a pound
Tortillas: $2.48 for 6 count
Fajita seasoning mix: $0.89 a packet

Cook chicken tenderloins in pan (be sure to clean with vinegar and water, add seasoning (Lawry's.. etc.) add fajita seasoning mix and water in the pan once tenders are cooked (can cut chicken before or after you cook them). Put chicken in tortilla shells (can add sour cream, cheese and shredded lettuce if you want to).

Total: $9, $15 for condiments (cheese, sour cream etc.)

3. Fried Chicken
Popeyes in the kitchen!
Ingredients:
Fried 8 pc chicken (two wings, two legs, two breast, and two thighs) already cooked: Can be found at Publix for $7.99
Stouffers Macaroni: Small tray for $2.64
Frozen Vegetables of choice: $0.99

The easiest meal to make! Steam vegetables by putting water and veggies in pot, heat up stouffers macaroni in stove or microwave and place already cooked chicken on plate. Grab a biscuit from meal #1 and you are eating better than a KFC meal on a Thursday.


Total: $12

4. Spaghetti
Olive Garden who?
Ingredients:
Boxed Spaghetti Pasta: $1.65
Traditional Marinara Sauce: $2
Meat of choice: Ground turkey or beef: $3 a pound or sausage links: $3

Boil boxed Spaghetti pasta in water olive oil and salt, cook ground turkey and beef (please season meat), and add marinara sauce to meat. I like to also add basil or parsley and pepper to my pasta sauce.

Total: $8

*You can also be fancy and add salad on the side (just buy an already made salad bag for $3)

New Total: $11

5. The BEST meal of all time.... Salmon
Red Lobster, Papadeux, and Bahama Breeze ain't touching you in the kitchen!
Salmon: Can get from Publix for $5 a pound
Boxed Mashed Potatoes: $3
Steamed Veggies: $0.99 (broccoli, corn on the cob, peas etc.)

Salmon can be cooked the way you want it,grill or bake it, just make sure you season well and it is cooked well done (we don't want salmonella), see #3 for steamed veggies and can add a biscuit from meal #2.

Total: $10

These meals can be cooked at your preference and all sides and extra ingredients can be substituted. Drinks were not included, because if you are truly pressed about money the only thing you need to be drinking is water. Also, I gave you the healthiest options that I can think of, especially considering the fact that money is tight. Portion food well, cook for the week and not for the day.

Other meals that can be prepared:
Breakfast for dinner (no cereal)
Tuna Melts
Chicken salad
Chicken breast with veggies

Happy eating, and let that ramen go!